There is I am told a town in the Midwest that claims to have ownership of the world's largest ball of twine, I'm thinking Nebraska maybe, but as I lack unfettered access to the Web I am unable to confirm this delicious tidbit. Every place that needs to reel in a tourist or two is the world capital of something or other. Key West lays claim to all sorts of odd supremacies- bars per capita, churches per capita (I used to joke when I was a boat captain that the city seems to encourage excess and penitence all on the same block). This is of course the Southernmost City.
Thus it is I work for the Southernmost Police Department, and South (south...get it?) Street boasts the southernmost everything, from a modest Deli, a Bikini shop, several hotels and on and on and on. All of which speaks of lack of imagination to me but they keep on coming our way to be southernmost and closer to Havana than Miami. The embargo notwithstanding; perhaps making Cuba inaccessible makes it all the more alluring, we hope that next year all will be revealed, ninety miles south of the Southernmost City.
Having only one point that is southernmost (perforce!) creates all sorts of weird anomalies. Across the street from the Southernmost-Point-Guest-House lies another house that claims to be southernmost, the red roofed structure visible above and owned by a long time Key West family that defies geography in claiming southernmostness.
Thus it is I work for the Southernmost Police Department, and South (south...get it?) Street boasts the southernmost everything, from a modest Deli, a Bikini shop, several hotels and on and on and on. All of which speaks of lack of imagination to me but they keep on coming our way to be southernmost and closer to Havana than Miami. The embargo notwithstanding; perhaps making Cuba inaccessible makes it all the more alluring, we hope that next year all will be revealed, ninety miles south of the Southernmost City.Having only one point that is southernmost (perforce!) creates all sorts of weird anomalies. Across the street from the Southernmost-Point-Guest-House lies another house that claims to be southernmost, the red roofed structure visible above and owned by a long time Key West family that defies geography in claiming southernmostness. The fact is that the southernmost point is not at the corner of South and Whitehead Streets as marked by the big cement "buoy" which tourists line up to photograph:
Indeed a few years ago the city commission in response to protests from the less commercially inclined neighbors was ready to move the point from its location elsewhere. Geography is flexible in the Conch Republic. And there are people who choose to just live in this neighborhood without pretensions to paint, or tourism or anything much:
The actual southernmost point is...further south behind a fence:
And is only visible from South Beach's newly refurbished pier. The satellite dishes and antennae should be a clue. This is a top secret (more or less) listening station to listen to the Communists in Cuba. It all seems a bit over the top to me; Radio Havana comes through loud and clear on my car radio, 950AM, nevertheless there is a real southernmost point, owned by the Navy:
I suspect that the beach at Fort Zachary Taylor is further south than south beach but I am not going to take my GPS to test all the theories out. I prefer confusion.For a few years now I have been lamenting the passing of the Sands Beach club on Simonton Street, now fast resembling a new cement condo development. However the beach club at South Beach, off the end of Duval looks like it might make a suitable replacement. I am encouraging my wife to go check it out and report back. The pier itself is open for non-business, including sitting and staring at the ocean or getting pie-faced with a twelve-pack while reading the want ads in the paper:
Or tangling your lure around your out-of-school son: 
Or Selling nondescript stuff, jewelry perhaps while staring at women in bikinis on the beach: 
People keep insisting life in Key West is tough. Which may be true but some people try to keep a sense of humor:
The fire plugs do actually work, and quite well too. There was a big fire on White Street while I was away and everyone loved the fire department for limiting damage to just one building.
Tourists are massing for summer and renting mopeds to get around town. I see a lot of them hunched over maps trying to figure out where to go. I feel like reminding them the island's only 2 by 4- try just taking a shot and hoping for the best!
Instead I mind my own business. Like this dude: You know he's not a tourist, long pants penny loafers and a smug air of this-is-my-daily-transportation look about him as he swings smoothly past the point:
For the rest of us, tourists and pretend visitors humping around on foot its hot business,Key West in June:
Locals have their suave balconies to look down upon the masses:
And yet there are still buildings for sale just a block from the point.
Even if one could afford it one would have to have the self delusion of a dictator to find this pile the least bit attractive surely? And still I can hear the realtor announcing, convincingly, "...just ninety miles from La Havana."
So exotic, so prosaic, all in one breath.
