Saturday, October 13, 2018

Winter Closes In

From the Poetry Foundation this splendid meditation on the change of season Up North. I love the image of the darkness closing in outside forcing the poet to look in. Winter used to be that time of less activity and more conversation and thoughtfulness yet nowadays we create our own light.  Down south I find myself measuring daylight and darkness in the mornings as I ride home and prepare to walk Rusty...or I did before I got stuck in rehab! I hope you enjoy it. 

A Letter in October 

Dawn comes later and later now,
and I, who only a month ago
could sit with coffee every morning
watching the light walk down the hill
to the edge of the pond and place
a doe there, shyly drinking,

then see the light step out upon
the water, sowing reflections
to either side—a garden
of trees that grew as if by magic—
now see no more than my face,
mirrored by darkness, pale and odd,

startled by time. While I slept,
night in its thick winter jacket
bridled the doe with a twist
of wet leaves and led her away,
then brought its black horse with harness
that creaked like a cricket, and turned

the water garden under. I woke,
and at the waiting window found
the curtains open to my open face;
beyond me, darkness. And I,
who only wished to keep looking out,
must now keep looking in.

The Weekend

Layne left work yesterday and did some shopping along the way to see me.  Gary had advised the treatment for MRSA messes with your gut so my wife stopped at Publix and bought supplies to try to counteract the possibility of diarrhea. 

Not just painful diarrhea is possible but serious complications can arise in the event any fecal matter contaminates the MRSA. I feel like I have a portal in my side for any wandering or stray infection or microbe looking for a home.  I am washing my hands obsessively with the soap Layne brought.  They are using cream she brought to fight bedsores as this awful languishing goes on and on. She brought more t shirts and shorts as I can only leave my isolation under strict  hygiene rules and as long as the wound isn’t leaking. 

My wife’s appearance after a 150 minute drive lasted less than 15 minutes twice.  First she dropped off the supplies then she went to the laundry and sorted my outfits for the coming week. Rusty had to stay home of course. Then Layne came back and sorted my laundry and watched as I got my battery of evening pills and then left. Just like that. 

No closer than that.  She has had arthritis most of her adult life and doctors said she has to wait with her compromised immune system to get closer to the source of infection risk. Maybe she’ll be back Wednesday after I have been on Doxycycline five days. Maybe. As it was she got stuck in traffic on the turnpike and got home to a rapturous Rusty greeting at midnight. After a day at work all that...for me. Show me another woman willing to do that?! 

I did well in therapy on Friday. Elias says he may try to get me to the toilet on Monday as I seem able to pivot on my right leg. Despite a lot of walking Friday my right leg hurts less than it has and I have missed my last two appointments with the Percoset Express. 

When I say walking I mean shuffling. 
My left foot is on Elias’ toes so he can measure how much weight my non weight bearing foot is actually taking. Eddy on my right makes sure I don’t fall. Luckily I have enough arm strength to support myself but after 15 steps I am dripping with sweat. Ten weeks ago I strolled eight miles with Rusty in 95 degree heat. Next to my left hand you can just see my goal, a yellow cone. I was being cheered on by the other inmates at their various tasks out of frame. Natalie took the picture as she pushed my wheelchair behind me. That is how this old sack of potatoes walks for now. 

The level of attention we get in this place is phenomenal. Nothing phases the therapists. They have all sorts of amazing and clever tools to restore cognitive ability, upper strength and flexibility and the ability to think and use your limbs. Amazing place.

This is my world for now. Pictures stories and links to the outside world that interests you are much appreciated at my Instagram or Facebook. I try to read books some days better some worse but messages and pictures are lovely. Things I can no longer see. 
Have a good weekend. Thanks for reading. Hope this isn’t too dreary but it is all I have.