Tuesday, October 21, 2025

Leckmelm

 A very long time ago my father, a British tax attorney was trying to figure out a way to reduce his tax burden so he decided to become a farmer.

He bought a few thousand acres of bog on the shores of Loch Broom at the end of a very long arduous single track road from Inverness to the small fishing village of Ullapool. With the money he earned advising celebrities and businesspeople how to manage their taxes he built a hotel, planted forests of pine trees on the barren hillsides and developed a sheep farm down by the salt water inlet called Loch Broom and in his way saw a place of beauty long before Instagram put the north of Scotland on the tourist map. 
His daughter my younger sister continued the work and has three children of her own who are prepared to continue the dynasty all of which is remarkable enough. What is unusual for me is how much I like being here in this miserable cold wet foggy climate. In a life filled with places visited  all I have of Ullapool is happy memories. My father the lawyer became human here when we drove up for a few days, me to explore the rocky tidal shoreline on my school holidays and he to sort some new tangled business problem on the farm, in the forests or at the hotel. The view from the cottage where I’m staying, Loch Broom towards Ullapool: 
Lucy came by after lunch and we took her sons’ dogs for a walk and talked as we went. She is much younger than me filled with wisdom beyond her, or my, years. 
Her dogs, Ruby and Sionnach are wild terriers ready to chase deer or sheep across the hills and they are as old as Rusty, so they have to be held firmly to their leashes. For someone who ambles with Rusty, that level of vigilance makes me nervous; let the dog go accidentally and wreak havoc. 
We sat around the dinner table my first night here and talked and drank wine and told stories and I didn’t want it to end. And then I thought to myself I was last here shortly before my motorcycle accident eight years ago, far too long ago, realizing time has slipped through my fingers. We had planned to visit Ireland together, a trip scotched by Covid, and then Layne and I retired and went for a drive and here we are these many years later. 
I picked up my new passport, the tool that offers extra possibilities to me the traveler. I am the wanderer who knows I will miss Lucy and her stories when I fly back to Paramaribo next week, and she gets back to real life managing many things. Ullapool is the wettest place in Great Britain, the climate is cold and windy with Atlantic storms blowing in from frigid regions but it is fascinating and filled with colorful people, as desirable a destination to Britons as Key West is in the US. Tourism is flourishing as much as fishing used to in this village and my sister is a pillar of her community, a life well lived apparently. Around here being “Lucy’s brother” puts me on the map, makes me less of an unknown quantity on the street, where everyone knows everyone who isn’t a tourist. 

We stopped off at the Royal Bank of Scotland where Lucy introduced me to the teller as you do in small towns apparently. While she talked to the manager I wandered outside with my camera. 
A man with two small daughters walked by and one of them asked me, with all the seriousness of a four year old who  I was, this bearded stranger. “Lucy’s brother,” I said equally gravely. Lucy of Leckmelm? the father asked and I was identified. 
The ferry to the Isle of Lewis departs from Ullapool where huge fishing fleets used to tie up. If you saw the movie “Local Hero” there was a plot line involving Soviet trawlers. Well here in Ullapool during the Cold War they visited all the time trading vodka and fish and making friends in the village. They call them Klondykers.
On the subject of movies I mentioned the TV series “Hamish Macbeth” to Lucy and she said it was entirely true to life, a series about the difficulties of a rural policeman in the Highlands filed with eccentricity. 
My nephew Duncan described Ullapool as the last outpost of civilization and culture as you go north. From here to Thurso, where he once held a job, there is nothing. 
I have been all the way to top of the country and I’d agree with that assessment, stretches of great beauty and few people. 
Lucy and I also drove  out to see our father’s grave at Clachan church a beautiful austere building at the south end of Loch Broom. 
It is now a community hall disfigured as Lucy put it by a Tardis outside. Community halls need toilets and there is no plumbing so the blue box will have to do. I like a practical approach. 
I plan to be buried here as Lucy tells me there is indeed room. I can’t think of a better place to spend eternity. 
Lucy got a call as we walked and it was the meter reader who was trying to find the electricity meter at her farm. A long discussion ensued as she explained how to find it in a shed. She warned him the floorboards are pretty rotten and to stay safe he needed to walk on the stone parts of the floor or he might fall through. There was a pause as he digested the information and the discussion went on for a bit. Lucy sighed as she hung up. “Ever since they got rid of Munro Sparky,” she said sounding nostalgic, “no one knows how to find the meters anymore.”
My father loved Rolls Royces which he as a self made man viewed as a symbol of success. He never bought them new, but even used they represented to his patriotic mind the pinnacle of British engineering. Sometimes even they let him down. I recall he bought one that had body rust masked by newspaper lacquered over the holes but nothing phased him.  Lucy and I were talking about how he used to manage the farm on his visits in the Rolls Royce driving farm tracks and sparing neither himself nor the car. It had wheels and an engine therefore it was designed to transport him. 
On one memorable occasion I had forgotten about Lucy reminded me of the time he hitched a trailer to the car, probably the first time ever a Rolls Royce became a utility vehicle, and drove some animals to market in style until  the rear axle gave up the struggle and disassembled itself from the rest of the splendid car in front of all the already astonished farmers. Nothing perturbed him, a true eccentric, he just muddled on. Yet in court he was a brilliant piercing merciless advocate for his clients. And he loved this place. 
Ullapool seems to be a magnet for colorful characters and in that it reminds me of Key West before mainstream America got ahold of it so there has been plenty of laughter at the dinner table as my family reminisces. 
The meter reader called back for more directions which conversation caused me to crack up again as Lucy went through the precise directions to the overwhelmed employee on the phone.  
The austere chapel is home to a collection of historic photos at the moment and I could have spent all my time looking at the faces from far in the past staring into the camera but I had to go and try on a top hat for Saturdays event. 


The first baronet of Braemore was a civil engineer of some note building bridges hiring locals as the obituary pointed out and apparently making life better for those around him. It sounds too good to be true but that perhaps is just because of these times we live in. I like to think making life better for those around you could become fashionable one day. 
When I came down stairs Tuesday morning there were some visitors outside whom  I startled at their breakfast. 
They ran when I appeared. They were right to run as we had had venison for dinner the night before, shot last July by Lucy's eldest. Solais explained to me why I’ve never liked venison when he told me the meat tastes terrible if shot at the wrong season, when the animal is malnourished and stressed it has no fat, it’s tough and the meat tastes gamey. The deer we ate was perfect, like tender beef and I was astonished. I keep learning stuff. 
They follow the beat of their own drummer in the Highlands, and for me looking in from the outside I feel fortunate to get this small window into a life made rich by joie de vivre. 

Scotland

 Flying is diabolical.  Yesterday I landed in Amsterdam after an overnight flight from a 104 degree day in Paramaribo and this morning I woke up at 7:30 local time here:

It was indeed a strange flight starting with me dressed like an arctic explorer leaving my dog (and my wife) on the usual 104 degree afternoon. 
Thank god the cab had air conditioning for the hour long drive to the international airport sensibly located in the distant suburbs where residents don’t get their conversations drowned by passing aircraft, one of my many pet peeves about commercial flying. 
I know Key West airport has been modernized and improved to handle the millions of passengers vacationing nowadays in what was once an eccentric destination, but Paramaribo is not following suit with the modernization theme so I got to  enjoy a small taste of my past in an airport designed for maximum inconvenience serving what is in reality a very small capital city. Security couldn’t find enough bins to keep the line moving and the people in charge of the electricity kept losing it, as though the electrical energy was a cat hiding under the furniture. Now you saw it, now you didn’t. 
I had two hours to sit so I sat and observed the Hard Rock Cafe never lost power. Either they had a generator or better cat wranglers. The public address system was only in Dutch, spoken at extremely high volume by someone with a peculiar falsetto voice. I heard my name called syllable by syllable at one point and I waited patiently for instructions in English. None came. Oh by the way if you need to fly with fresh vegetables they are for sale in an enticing array in the departure hall after you pass through security. 
A fellow bi-lingual passenger helped me out and I got my passport scanned and I continued to sit watching the lights go on and off. I was reading a novel of Scotland by Peter May about murder and salmon farming and shooting stranded whales and other uplifting subjects so my mood was as you might expect, when I was also faced with eight hours of sitting in a box far from Layne and Rusty and GANNET2. 
The airport loaded us eventually. The falsetto voice said something and lines formed, none too soon as the air conditioning was on ultra low to save Suriname some money and my re-creation of a misplaced Arctic expedition was feeling more and more oppressive as the afternoon wore on. I tore off my vest and long sleeved shirt but my knees felt mushy with sweat. 
I tagged along with the line and we walked old Key West style out to the jumbo jet. I was starting to hope real hard Amsterdam would be cold and wet and rainy (it was) to justify my gear. 
At the last minute a woman took the outside seat but she spent the flight after dinner sitting under a blanket which seemed a harmless eccentricity under the circumstances. 
The flight itself was the usual weirdness of trying to live a normal
middle class life at 37,000 feet eating a fish dinner watching a movie and trying not to think about how bizarre our privileged world is of being able to vanish like a ghost from Suriname to eat breakfast in The Netherlands surrounded by high tech functioning facilities that we take for granted in our world. The airport temperature at Schipol was perfect, some toilet paper on the floor freaked out a white man who made a scene about a filthy toilet stall, clearly not someone who has been driving South America for years, and the  desk seats were taken by serious looking business people hunched over lap tops fully expecting the WiFi to be perfect. And then there was me feeling more than usually out of place. Bye bye Suriname:
Hello to the civilization that I grew up with and took for granted. Do you prefer fizzy or flat water guaranteed sterile from a tap? 
I had bought a business class seat to Inverness, an $80 upgrade which gave me access to the business class lounge for four hours, a vast concourse of free food and drink…
…with numerous buffet tables and bars…
… and showers…
…and as I had changed some money effortlessly at the ATM, my sole task, I bought a $45 bed for two hours and made myself beautiful with some sleep. 
All of which was great fun and totally unimaginable during our travels but it was also a reminder that people on business travel have to live like this to earn their pay. I’d rather travel as I do on my terms thanks. 
Not showering and using a porta potty is a privilege when you do it voluntarily. At noon I got back at it. 
I saw lots of wind farms as we approached Inverness but my sister tells me electricity rates in the northwest highlands are the highest in the country as the cheap energy is sent south to the populated areas where the votes are I suppose.
The wilderness of Europe. It’s less than 3,000 feet but I felt I could have been flying over Peru. 
Inverness (“mouth of the ness” in Gaelic) is the city of the north but it has a delightful small town approach to aircraft with more tarmac walking.  
Verizon reminded me my madcap journey was complete with a second message in a day from their international service. 
“What is the purpose of your visit?” the immigration officer asked in that Celtic brogue native to the Highlands. “My sister’s getting married in Ullapool on Saturday,” I said. His eyes lit up. “Oh” he said. “You’ll be having a grand time then,” as he handed me back my US passport.
Well yes except of course…