Friday, April 1, 2011

Conch Republic Count Down

I was quite surprised to hear Key West Mayor Craig Cates announce on the radio that in about three weeks, on the 23rd precisely, Key West was declaring independence, this time for real, 29 years after the famous first independence declaration. A lot can happen while one is away on vacation for a few short days...

Supposedly this whole new dreamland will make little difference for us, as we live inside the borders of the new Conch Republic and work for us will continue as normal, she with the Conch Republic Department of Education and for me with the Conch Gendarmerie. However reticent I may feel the new border signs and Customs post are supposedly going up soon on the south end of the Seven Mile Bridge, while at the airport the new signs are up already in preparation for the celebrations.

The last I heard the new Conch Cabinet is negotiating furiously with the US Navy at Boca Chica to work out fees and rental agreements for use of the prime Conch Republic airbase but the future of the US Navy presence is entirely uncertain at this point as France is said to be interested in basing some nuclear subs and fighter aircraft here. As part of their inducement the French are also offering civilians with Conch Republic passports access to their future officer's mess and lots of Conchs are ready for some French cuisine and bowling on base. Fat Albert is to be relocated to US territory north of the Seven Mile Bridge from what I heard at breakfast yesterday.

The new currency is supposed to start circulating soon, though it is unknown exactly when, and it will start out at parity, one for one with the US dollar, according to the Blue Paper. I've also heard that the Seminoles will be starting a new no-limit casino on Sugarloaf Key as soon as they can start construction. Scotia Bank of Canada is supposedly taking over the Wachovia building on the Boulevard to take advantage of the Conch Republic banking laws. I think the President-to-Be of the Conch Republic is expecting massive fresh income from these offshore activities as Americans will be keen to get money out of their failing system and into ours where privacy is assured and taxes will be unknown and Conch dollars will be backed by gold bullion. It was also exciting to see the San Carlos reverting to it's original owner, the Cuban government, soon to be home to the Conch Republic's first foreign representative.

They say the US Consul will be housed at Boca Chica if they can work out that agreement, if not the US Consulate will be behind the Red Garter on Telegraph Lane. Ferry and air service to Cuba are also supposed to start, passengers only at first, the day after independence day, which will be April 23rd. The Cuban Embargo will no longer apply down here, south of reality. In light of all the trouble our neighbors to the north are having in the US of A it's not surprising a few enterprising business people decided the time was ripe for a new approach to government but I guess I have to admit I am surprised by the speed with which they acted. My wife and I did consider leaving and moving north to preserve our US citizenship, per the US State Department's latest directives, but with the United Nations guaranteeing independence and a peaceful transition for the world's 191st country we decided to stay and try our luck. Today, we said to each other quoting the new republic's most famous figure from history, "Today," we said, "is the day."

All Photos from the Internet.