Cincinnati

Cincinnati has the world’s worst traffic light system.  This apparently minor problem means the city sucks. The downtown is a grid of mismatched lights making it impossible to go anywhere even on a Sunday with no traffic.  Sitting at the light waiting for no one to cross...

And in this miserable town you can’t turn right on the red. What’s wrong with these people? No wonder they flood the Keys in winter to get away from this bullshit. 

On the other hand if you can still drive without having a heart attack you need to get to the Museum of Art. Pretty overwhelming. 

Admission is free and we got there early to get into the Terracotta Army exhibit for $15 apiece. Amazing value. 

Thousands of pottery statues were discovered in China in 1974 and have been cleaned up slowly and sent around the world in small groups to show what was possible in China 200 years before Christ.  Qin pronounced “Chin” was the first emporio of a united China after he spent most of his life pulling the various parts together. He planned a tomb with 8,000 figures representing an army, quarters to house them and civilians to serve them for his after life. What was buried was estimated to look like this:

What we see is this:

And look at the detail on the sole of his sandals:

And this was a sword from 2,000 years ago a world away and it is readily identifiable to anyone anywhere- as a sword! How does that happen? All swords look the same and everyone has one?! 

That was a breathtaking exhibition but the permanent halls are overwhelming too. I decided to take a look at American art. 

Looks classically European? There’s a reason for that, and it fooled me too. 

Eventually I had to go. She was right it was time for lunch at a Taste of Belgium. Real waffles, crisp thick doughy and delicious with meat cheese and egg. 

Then onwards! From the sublime to the absurd. 

Let me tell you the American Sign Museum May sound funny but it is astonishing. We took the audio tour included with admission-$15- which was headsets they give you plugged into your smartphone! 

The history is basically wood signs, light bulb signs and neon all the way up to contemporary LED which is not included in this museum. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves. Tremendous fun. You need to visit this place, trust me. 

Crazy eh? I loved it all. Very enjoyable talk about the history and technology of making signs. Super nerdy but you won’t take a road trip without thinking about what you saw here. Meanwhile...Rusty was languishing with a dog sitter ($20 through Rover very satisfactory) and liberation was at hand. It reminds me of my time in English boarding school but he seems fine after each time we do this. We took him to Smale Park along the Ohio River, Covington Kentucky across the water. 

And the struggle with the damned traffic lights. Cincinnati sucks. Well it does a little bit. Indian food for dinner made up for the traffic lights -somewhat. 

The Country

Living as one does in the flatlands of limestone knobs sticking a few feet above the ocean there is a desire to see mountains and farms and rivers and forests and things not generally available in the Keys. 

So on the drive from Hendersonville to Cincinnati through Kentucky we took main roads away from the freeway. It was beautiful. The roads wound up and down and around passing through villages often with distressed storefronts. Beyond the human sadness there were horizons filled with trees and valleys dipping out of sight, grass everywhere and richly leaves trees. It was hot all right but everything looked fresh and new.  It was a perfect afternoon drive for one used to Highway One every day. 

Rusty was fascinated and far from running wildly around he sniffed slowly and thoughtfully chewing grass and checking every inch of Kentucky sod. 

Eventually the sun started to make it clear it was descending for a landing and that combined with the fact that upon crossing the Ohio River we were going to add an hour with our return to Eastern Time got us in gear to seek out a freeway. “Turn right” my wife the navigator ordered. This I asked is the fast way to Cincinnati? 

It’s a short cut she said with no conviction at all. We started laughing as we descended below sea level on Tom’s Cut Road. Around a corner we met a pick up coming head-on. As it was only one horsepower I had plenty of time to dowse my headlights and stop the car. The driver in full Amish costume pulled aside and waved gravely as I inched forward trying not to leer at the babe in the bonnet sitting next to him. You know I was itching to take a picture but I’m not that crass. We pulled over to let the dog out. 

Rusty was ready to enjoy some grass and to commune with a local dog who was not ready to reciprocate and ran off. 

A van approached out of the hollow and wasn’t I surprised when it blew by filled to the brim with women and children... but what was surprising was the women’s clothing: Amish gowns and bonnets. Driving no less and smiling broadly at my little brown bundle of joy standing at the roadside. They must be Mennonites, or else they were Amish making a break for it. 

A dry riverbed:

Google got us out of what it had got us into and soon enough we were dodging traffic on the interstate for the last hour before we arrived at our downtown hotel. Another world just an hour away. 

Nashville

I suppose it was inevitable. I had looked forward to this trip to explore a piece of the USA not properly explored, so coming down with a thick head cold was practically a requirement.  Naturally I got it when we were visiting Gary and Barbara outside Nashville. Everyone needs friends like them. Not least because they occupy a rural palace, just the place to stage a noisy bronchial recovery. 

The other thing is they live a half hour outside Nashville a city of certain opulent charms. We are told that when we return, not ill, there is a country music museum which I’d like to visit oddly enough, to broaden my education. This is however the city of bridal showers and I’m not joking. 

My only excuse for the quality of the pictures was the state of my health and an outside temperature in the mid 90s, but everywhere you looked women were walking, drinking, partying and shopping. Fellini would have loved it. I was overwhelmed.

This town deserves a second look and not just for the pedestrians.  I’ve heard opera all over the place but never at the Opry so I think that needs to happen before I die. 

Gary and Barbara were splendid and showed me ways of defeating my symptoms, they being of the medical profession and the rest of my visit was rather subdued as a consequence. More importantly Rusty loved their place. 

We left with real reluctance. Feeling better but feeling slightly deprived. Rusty was pining for the deciduous forests, the proud wild turkeys strutting in front of him and the fearless families of giant deer.