Walking Lazy Way Lane of an evening one comes across a mural painted on temporary plywood walls. The walls surround the development that was known first as Watermark and shot down by neighbors for being too grandiose. Then it came back proclaiming it's local-ness and was renamed as Harbor House. Harbor House has gone dormant, or bust, depending on who you listen to and the temporary walls around the former construction site have taken on a patina of permanence.
Which is where creativity rears it's colorful head:
Which message told me I was overdue for a few pictures of a "last little piece of old Key West," as the waterfront bar is known to it's aficionados: SWB- Schooner Wharf Bar. This guy appeared to be an habitué, yelling at the top of his inebriated lungs at a patron sitting not five feet away:
The open air theme is what the bar is all about, pea rock for floors and junk with a possibly nautical theme hanging everywhere.
The bar overlooks Key West Bight ('bight" is a nautical term for an indentation in a shoreline), but the main entrance faces Lazy Way Lane on the inland side:
The crows nest overlooks the harbor and was where the bar's owner Evalina Worthington was shooting off commentary at the last Minimal Regatta, http://conchscooter.blogspot.com/2009/05/sink-and-swim.html is the place to click for that essay from May 26 2009. 
There aren't many bars featured in Key West Diary, not least because I am not much of a fan of them. They tend to be loud and frenetic and if they don't have at least a dozen TV screens they aren't doing their job. So I don't feel particularly capable of telling a story about this place. Feel free to add comments and tell all the stories you have about getting pie-faced at SWB...where everyone, except Conchscooter, knows your name:
When guests want to go out in Key west after a day in the sun they frequently can be heard to ask if they need to get changed. The rule in Key West (aside from the yacht club as far as I know) is to come as you are, even if that is a delightful electric blue evening gown:
Or not:
It takes work to run a bar and the ice machine, like the patrons, sits out in the open churning out desperately needed ice, in all weathers, as SWB really is a ramshackle place in keeping with it's shtick:
You don't need a limousine to travel around Key West either:
I love the Slovenian Tomos moped which my mechanic sells at $1200 apiece. Ideal urban wheels which can even be pedaled if gas gets too much at 120 mile per gallon. You'd better not need to travel above 30mph (50km/h) though: 
This is actually the best way to leave any bar in Key West. A drunk driving ticket gets you a night at the Stock Island Hilton, complete with body cavity search, thousands in fines and six months loss of driving privileges. Plus you get your very own, personal, FBI felony record upon conviction. All for the price of a twenty dollar cab fare. Besides all that, you might run me over on my lunch break, kill me, and end this blog. 
Aside from all the drinking possibilities there is sailing to be done from Key West Bight. The bight used to be a commercial fishing port, then tourism got a hold and it became a series of separately owned marinas. In the 1990s renting a berth in the bight was quite the mark of the old timer (or the very wealthy parvenu) but commercial boats still have some sort of right of way here. Wolf is the so-called flagship of the Conch Republic fleet, and it sits right in front of the bar:
Just a note here for people who want to talk like pirates. If the boat is called Wolf, that's what you call it. The Wolf is landlubber talk, and no one wants to walk the waterfront in Key West sounding like a -gasp!- landlubber, now do they? Another piece of nautical etiquette is not to walk past some dude's boat and make disparaging remarks about it. Voices carry and you have no idea who might be below decks listening. Nor is it polite to remark on how stationary the notional sailing vessel might appear, like commenting on the lawn growing at the waterline. This is September and the waters are warm, facilitating growth and the paying passengers are few:
I am informed the Sebago people now run Wolf so one might hope it is someone's job to make Wolf pretty again in time for a busy winter. There is a lot of key west history in this boat so it will be nice to see it out sailing when cold fronts blow. Meanwhile take an artsy-fartsy picture and keep moving.
I miss sailing sometimes but I don't miss the time and effort involved, so I guess I don't miss it that much: 
I still get to smell the fresh salt air and look out at the water and live, like an old man, on my memories: 
I should have sat down for a beer at Schooner Wharf Bar and looked out across the water, but my wife had finished her meeting which had been called to impress the school board, and we had a dinner date with friends somewhere else. Finnegans Wake actually, well away from the waterfront. No report to follow for I was off duty and the camera stayed in my backpack.
Which is where creativity rears it's colorful head:Which message told me I was overdue for a few pictures of a "last little piece of old Key West," as the waterfront bar is known to it's aficionados: SWB- Schooner Wharf Bar. This guy appeared to be an habitué, yelling at the top of his inebriated lungs at a patron sitting not five feet away:The open air theme is what the bar is all about, pea rock for floors and junk with a possibly nautical theme hanging everywhere.The bar overlooks Key West Bight ('bight" is a nautical term for an indentation in a shoreline), but the main entrance faces Lazy Way Lane on the inland side:
The crows nest overlooks the harbor and was where the bar's owner Evalina Worthington was shooting off commentary at the last Minimal Regatta, http://conchscooter.blogspot.com/2009/05/sink-and-swim.html is the place to click for that essay from May 26 2009. There aren't many bars featured in Key West Diary, not least because I am not much of a fan of them. They tend to be loud and frenetic and if they don't have at least a dozen TV screens they aren't doing their job. So I don't feel particularly capable of telling a story about this place. Feel free to add comments and tell all the stories you have about getting pie-faced at SWB...where everyone, except Conchscooter, knows your name:
When guests want to go out in Key west after a day in the sun they frequently can be heard to ask if they need to get changed. The rule in Key West (aside from the yacht club as far as I know) is to come as you are, even if that is a delightful electric blue evening gown:
Or not:It takes work to run a bar and the ice machine, like the patrons, sits out in the open churning out desperately needed ice, in all weathers, as SWB really is a ramshackle place in keeping with it's shtick:You don't need a limousine to travel around Key West either:I love the Slovenian Tomos moped which my mechanic sells at $1200 apiece. Ideal urban wheels which can even be pedaled if gas gets too much at 120 mile per gallon. You'd better not need to travel above 30mph (50km/h) though: 
This is actually the best way to leave any bar in Key West. A drunk driving ticket gets you a night at the Stock Island Hilton, complete with body cavity search, thousands in fines and six months loss of driving privileges. Plus you get your very own, personal, FBI felony record upon conviction. All for the price of a twenty dollar cab fare. Besides all that, you might run me over on my lunch break, kill me, and end this blog. Aside from all the drinking possibilities there is sailing to be done from Key West Bight. The bight used to be a commercial fishing port, then tourism got a hold and it became a series of separately owned marinas. In the 1990s renting a berth in the bight was quite the mark of the old timer (or the very wealthy parvenu) but commercial boats still have some sort of right of way here. Wolf is the so-called flagship of the Conch Republic fleet, and it sits right in front of the bar:Just a note here for people who want to talk like pirates. If the boat is called Wolf, that's what you call it. The Wolf is landlubber talk, and no one wants to walk the waterfront in Key West sounding like a -gasp!- landlubber, now do they? Another piece of nautical etiquette is not to walk past some dude's boat and make disparaging remarks about it. Voices carry and you have no idea who might be below decks listening. Nor is it polite to remark on how stationary the notional sailing vessel might appear, like commenting on the lawn growing at the waterline. This is September and the waters are warm, facilitating growth and the paying passengers are few:
I am informed the Sebago people now run Wolf so one might hope it is someone's job to make Wolf pretty again in time for a busy winter. There is a lot of key west history in this boat so it will be nice to see it out sailing when cold fronts blow. Meanwhile take an artsy-fartsy picture and keep moving.
I miss sailing sometimes but I don't miss the time and effort involved, so I guess I don't miss it that much: 
I still get to smell the fresh salt air and look out at the water and live, like an old man, on my memories: 
I should have sat down for a beer at Schooner Wharf Bar and looked out across the water, but my wife had finished her meeting which had been called to impress the school board, and we had a dinner date with friends somewhere else. Finnegans Wake actually, well away from the waterfront. No report to follow for I was off duty and the camera stayed in my backpack.
15 comments:
Dear Conch:
Virtually an entire post dedicated to one run-down gin mill and the bar flys that haunt it. I was nearly crying by the time I got to the last line of this blog. It has been so long since anyone has sent me a valentine.
Aside from the tacky plastic seats (which my ass would crush like an empty beer can), this place looks like the kind of joint where a man can conduct serious research on the shortcomings of life, and the benefits of a German drive shaft over a British chain.
And I hate bars, loaded with televisons, for the express purpose of watching sporting events. Two TVs are enough for any bar. One should be tuned to the entire run of Monty Python's Flying Circus, while the other would shoe Humphrey Bogart movies 24/7.
The picture of you playing the guitar was a surprise.
Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad
Twisted Roads
Mr Conchscooter:
I dislike bars too. Too loud, too dark, too much smoke, too many TVs. come to think of it, I am just like you.
I really like the come as you are attitude. Saves double packing.
And what's this quote:"like an old man, on my memories: stuff. Your a youngster, only mid 50's .
A (sail)boat is like an RV, probably cheaper to just rent one when you want it and let someone else maintain it until "next time"
bob
bobskoot: wet coast scootin
Boats, Bars and Ballads. Your post had them all. Add in Beaches and you have a Jimmy Buffet album.
Ironically, many times we have walked by SWB, we have never gone in, likewise with BO's fish wagon.
Conch, not a bar fan myself either. In part I guess I am much too cheap to spend money on watered down drinks. Just me.
Really liked the pictures though, especially the evening gown, LOL, and what was in it. (toward the bottom end)
They have live music almost all the time and it's actually good music from time to time.
Thanks for the great set of pictures. It brought back some wonderful memories. My husband and I were married on Schooner Wolf by Captain Finbar. Last time we visited Key West the ship was gone. Glad to see it is back.
I will not drink a beer at swb with riepe unless bobscoot and cpa1234 are there to protect me. Besides he would be enough to ruin anyone's weeding, crushing chairs and weeping like a baby over hiss broken german shaft.
If they let people take pictures at the red garter I might try that next.
I think the expression is pie-eyed rather than pie-faced. There is an expression for being drunk that is face-related, however, ryhmes with hit-faced.
Keep up the great posting.
yeah, so i wasn't going to say shit faced and now you made me. I hate myself.
The wife and i once stopped into SWB for a beer or two..I can sum up our visit with one word "stinky"...and I didnt even mention the bathrooms...ewwww..Jeffrey..you should stop by B.O.'s and try their fish sandwich..not only is it really good but a good value too..My wife and i can split one and both leave satisified...The decor leaves a little to be desired....but all in all a good sandwich..
Buffalo Bill
Dear Gents:
Visiting Key West in the company of Bobskoot and CPA3485 would be like attending an electronics convention with Amish church elders.
I'll meet you guys for breakfast so we can compare notes from the night before.
Fobndest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad
Will you all post notes after breakfast?
Diana
I happen to know the guy "shouting at the top of his inebriated lungs". Let me tell you a brief story about him (I won't name him or give away any clues as to his identity).
He's nearly 70 years old and he holds down a full-time job that begins at about 7:00 AM and finishes between 2 and three in the afternoon. It's skilled work, requiring knowledge, skills and dexterity, and he's been working it for at least a decade for the same company. He lives in a rooming house nearby to his job and he shows up every day, besides being on call for emergencies.
At the end of his work day, he comes home, showers and dresses to go out, usually to Schooner Wharf. A few hours later he (literally) staggers home and navigates to his third floor walk-up.
The next day the cycle begins all over again.
He pays his rent regularly and on time. A while back he was mugged on Elizabeth St. The creeps who did it to him got a few hundred dollars from his wallet and the Mel Fisher coin that he always wore on a chain around his neck. He got a a few cuts and scrapes, but still found his way home. The next morning he showed up for work as scheduled.
I don't know a lot about his background. He has kids somewhere and goes to visit them about once a year. He came originally from The Netherlands, but I think he's been in the U.S. for a long time.
It's just another Key West story. I thought you might like to know it.
I happen to know the guy "shouting at the top of his inebriated lungs". Let me tell you a brief story about him (I won't name him or give away too many clues to his identity).
He's nearly 70 years old and he holds down a full-time job that begins at about 7:00 AM and finishes between 2 and three in the afternoon. It's skilled work, requiring knowledge, skills and dexterity, and he's been working it for at least a decade for the same company. He lives in a rooming house nearby to his job and he shows up every day, besides being on call for emergencies.
At the end of his work day, he comes home, showers and dresses to go out, usually to Schooner Wharf. A few hours later he (literally) staggers home and navigates to his third floor walk-up.
The next day the cycle begins all over again.
He pays his rent regularly and on time. A while back he was mugged on Elizabeth St. The creeps who did it to him got a few hundred dollars from his wallet and the Mel Fisher coin that he always wore on a chain around his neck. He got a a few cuts and scrapes, but still found his way home. The next morning he showed up for work as scheduled.
I don't know a lot about his background. He has kids somewhere and goes to visit them about once a year. He came originally from The Netherlands, but I think he's been in the U.S. for a long time.
It's just another Key West story. I thought you might like to know it.
It is a very good story. And I think it confirms him as an habitue of schooner wharf bar . He could also be a poster boy for not walking the streets of key west late at night while incapacitated. Creeps look for victims and being drunk puts one into that category immediately.
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