Minimal Boating

From the archives this story on the Minimal Regatta which is still going strong at Schooner Wharf Bar every Memorial Weekend. Amazing really.

Minimal Regatta 2011

The Coasties were on hand, always ready to help out any boaters in this absurd race who might have bitten off more than they could chew.However they also had their own dog in this hunt, a spectacularly powerful and determined paddler flying the Semper Paratus flag to victory in the first heat.His boat was properly built and properly equipped with an anchor on the bow, ready to be deployed! The Minimal Regatta is in it's 20th year as a Veterans fund raiser on Memorial Day weekend. the rules are pretty simple: build you own boat from the same identical inadequate supplies, plywood, two by fours, duct tape and some screws... This was boat racing taken seriously. There are huge crowds traditionally at this event, ostensibly to watch people show up in silly costumes with silly boats and proceed to sink them. In reality it's an excuse to hang out and talk and drink.Schooner Wharf Bar hosts the fun event http://www.schoonerwharf.com/11minimal.htm and supervises the entries. Results are reported in the paper, as all top flight sporting events should be. But the Minimal Regatta is a place to see and be seen.The crowds are thick and the heat is oppressive for some, in others it just brings out their peaches and cream complexion.For Cheyenne it was oppressive and she ducked between legs to find a shady spot away from the action.

Like so many charity fundraisers in Key West this one is a chance to find a really silly costume and pose for the camera. I had left my hard hat at home and was thus obliged to keep my distance.

Cheyenne did her bit for the camera attracting some healthy interest.

I found an available corner at the Shrimp Sound building overlooking the melee. The dock in front of Schooner Wharf was like hot sticky pudding, filled with sweaty bodies rubbing off each other and the air was like custard and just as hard to breathe.

There were actually plenty of free seats with decent views of the boating if you looked for them because the commentary of Evalena Worthington and the DJ Hoebee was broadcast far and wide across the waters...The pleasure of the racing and the sinkings will be paid for later by some incautious souls.And whenever I wonder why people discriminate against big dogs I see a pooch in a crate on the back of a scooter or in someone's arms...And don't let's forget the pirates keeping an eye on things.I just stood there in the sun pondering the slow start watching people rushing hither and yon on Lazy Way Lane looking for the best spot to watch or perhaps to meet a friend or perhaps, as I was thinking of, to go home.There was a lady passing through the crowd selling poppies for Memorial Day, a reminder of the purpose of the event.And the first boats got going to much acclaim.One sank, one didn't......and it was time to go home and get some rest before the all too imminent start of a holiday night shift for me.

Lunch At Schooner Wharf

The idea was to take Rusty into town and have lunch a in a dog-friendly environment.  As it turned out Rusty wasn't in the mood so I turned up dogless to meet Sheila at the dog-friendly lunch spot. Oh well.

Dog Bennett of This Week On The Island also showed up. He said this is his favorite table at Schooner Wharf; a good view towards the music and Michael McCloud, plenty of cooling breeze and a good spot to people watch on Lazy Way Lane outside the bar:

Sheila got a hamburger and I got fish tacos delivered in tortillas. A "fish taco wrap." Fair enough. It was actually quite good. Doug had a fresh air sandwich.

Our conversation was a little weird at first. We got on the subject of dead pets, what with Cheyenne dying recently and Dog having lost more than one dog and Sheila coping with a new cat after a recent bereavement....

The waitress showed up to take our orders and there we were looking into the distance each with misty eyes.

We switched subjects and I offered that raising height limits to improve the housing situation was a silly idea but Sheila disagreed, saying the plan would allow for worker accommodations on the new stories of buildings in New Town. Doug ruminated on the meaning of homelessness in Key West and how to differentiate between a  chosen lifestyle and working poverty.

It was very pleasant and the air was cool with the breeze. I wished I could have had a beer and a longer pause but I had appointments to keep.

The tourists kept an eye out on the tarpon swimming in the shade of the docks, I said my goodbyes with a promise of a longer more languid rematch soon, and off I went into the heat to do battle with website developers.

Schooner Wharf bills itself as the "last little piece of Old Key West," and perhaps that's true though I would argue it is not alone in the distinction. There are other spots that might qualify...

...but there is at least a schooner or two at the docks making the name real. A schooner is a two masted boat where the front mast is shorter than the back mast(s). That's as much as I want to say on a page not dedicated to sailing pursuits. If you are a purist and want greater precision there are sites for that sort of pedantry. I have done my share of sailing but this isn't the spot to get tangled in jargon.

I never cease to surprise myself. I quite liked Schooner wharf. I would never have guessed as I am bar-averse. Usually.

Schooner Wharf Bar

I went to Schooner Wharf. I was at a loose end and wasn't ready to ride home so I thought: how about a drink in the last little piece of old Key West.

So there I was squeezing myself between sweating drinking patrons asking myself why is it that I don't much like bars when so many other people love them... I remember a comment on a TV show I used to like (Northern Exposure for the record) wherein the character Chris in the Morning muses on his lifetime appreciation for bars that some people are destined to own and other people just to drink in them. A few are us were genetically modified to sit on the sidelines and wonder about bars.

I like this picture of the musician so near and dear to the hearts of patrons of Schooner Wharf. Feel free of course to use it. His music was okay but I wanted to see the view so I climbed the stairs to the deck overlooking Key West Bight. Okay so the crowds below freaked me out but this was lovely.

The big gray lump is GarytheTourist's home from home, the Galleon Resort, whence one presumably enjoys a similar view across the open water as well. Schooner Wharf's beer selection is a bit behind the times frankly. The best of the draughts was Samuel Adams and the best of the bottled was Red Stripe which is frankly inadequate in the age of craft brewing.

People watching was okay if you enjoy watching people crane their necks looking for fish swimming.

They do a lot of this sort of thing.

The helicopter flying over the power boat races was noisy. But so were the boats, so I guess they were even.

It was a pretty afternoon on top of the bar, made bright by Haiti's flag on the left and Cuba's on the right.

 

Lots of big boats cruised through the harbor for a while. The racers have inboard engines, the local boat had outboards.

These strange vessels draw aficionados to sit and stare. I guess I look as weirdly absorbed whe presented witna. Parade of interesting motorcycles, of all things. I just got to look at a friend's collection of pictures of an exotic car show Up North. Internal combustion rules.

But then reality intervenes and we are reminded that we live In a cool little resort town with lots of water sports possibilities even though I think the waters are too cold for swimming in November. I like watching the oat loads of eager tourists going out on these beautiful waters. I have had a crappy year for bowing this past summer but I will be here next summer, if I'm spared, and 2013 will be my year to go boating, perhaps.

The deck started to fill up and felt like a proper bar so I thought perhaps it was time to beat a retreat, before the pigeons let loose.

They do love their bar, don't they?

Key West sunshine, live music and swirling crowds of people lubricated with beer and animated conversation.

Schooner Wharf, a last little piece of old Key West, since 1987.

 

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