Friday, September 7, 2012

Flagler's Railroad At The Museum

The Museum Of Art And History set this exhibit up to commemorate the centenary of the arrival of the railroad in January this year. I meant to go at the time but...better late than never.






I was actually quite surprised by the lack of fanfare that accompanied the one hundredth anniversary of the event that connected Key West by land to the of Florida. You'd think everyone would have been madly celebrating the event but in the collective memory, dulled by alcohol, and limited by the frequent replacement of many exhausted citizens by fresh incomers the whole centenary thing got barely any attention. It came, it went, this in a town that celebrates Hemingway as though he were a God riding a fiberglass bull, and pets as though they were put on earth solely for beauty pageants. Flagler? Who dat?








The fact is that cars are what move modern America and trains (like motorcycles!) are objects of curiosity. In fact the Solares Hill weekly has been suggesting, a bit tongue in cheek, that a modern monorail would be the way to connect the Keys these days. You can imagine that no one would seriously consider a modern rail alternative to connect these islands that lie in a perfectly straight line for a hundred miles. The museum exhibit has a piece of film from a 1928 ride on the rails. I could have started at it for hours, not minutes. Many of the island landscapes appears not to have changed in the past century, but the views from the bridges seemed like views from another world lost forever to our modern needs for asphalt, cement and guard rails.








It's a great idea of course to use electric rail but in an era when there's no money to build sewers something as esoteric as a replacement for the automobile will never get off the ground...We have lost the collective will to build and maintain infrastructure already in our country. What chance is there of a visionary coming forward to propel us in some new and uncharted direction? Fear is the only collective sentiment Americans respond to nowadays. I blame television but my critics scoff.








It was the railways of Flagler in the east and Plant in the west that opened up the Florida peninsula but nowadays trains are for commerce and recently our esteemed Governor turned down 2.4 billion Federal dollars for high speed passenger rail across the state. Thousands of highly trained space workers from the dismantled NASA programs found no replacement work in the Sunshine State as a result. Vision belongs to the past, when a man like Flagler could see swamps and envision tourism, and had the boldness of a pioneer to make it happen. Nowadays if the bank can't see the profit it's dead in the water and our leaders, anxious for campaign contributions lead by following.








The Florida East Coast extension connected New York with Havana by ferry so fruit and tourists could get into and out of the snowy north east in a couple of days and nights. The first class passengers were served real food with real cutlery and place settings, just like on the Titanic, everyone else traveled steerage. Yet its worth remembering that until the railraod came to the keys most of the islands had no names at all as no one bothered with them. Indian Key and Key West comprised the inhabited portions. Everywhere else was nothing more than scrub with the occasional homestead. Then came the rails and china tea services and monogrammed pots in the middle of the wilderness.







The work involved building cement bridges on a par with that other engineering wonder of the decade, the Panama Canal. And yet today we take for granted the cement structures here that are a hundred years and as solid as new. The new road flashes traffic past the delicate arches of the old structures, curved and fluted like things of beauty. The modern bridges stand gawkily on long cement poles about as attractive as scaffolding over the water. But the modern bridges work, built thirty years ago when public works were objects of pride in the United States, not scorn as they are today.









Flagler used to joke that were it not for Florida he'd have been a rich man. Despite his oil holding millions he had to take out a loan to complete the line to Key West. He did it because he saw the vision and believed in it. Personal wealth was not the goal. He treated his workers well, demanding hard work for real pay. people lined up to come south and labor, not all of them could manage in the humid conditions of South Florida.








He made his one and only visit to Key West on the first through train and the next day he went home to Palm Beach where he died 16 months later. Get to the museum and see the exhibit, it's wonderfully evocative. Celebrate the centenary on your own because in Sodom, Flagler's achievements a hundred years on count for nothing in a world focused on the short term gain.



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Thursday, September 6, 2012

Coffin Night


The real meaning of Coffin Night in Key West is a Conch mystery shrouded in darkness and illuminated only slightly by the knowledge that coffin night is a form of celebration of the start of Homecoming at Key West High. Coffin night is not a school activity and no adult would be caught dead supporting it. yet it is a preternaturally Key West tradition, as local as a Cuban mix sandwich or a civic leader riding a scooter around town. It is unhappily Coffin Night this week and the eggs are flying.

The senior class hides a small coffin they build for the occasion and the junior class has to run all over key West looking for it. Coffin Week involves a variety of other activities but the hunt for the coffin is the highlight. The problem is that egging is also a highlight of the hunt and young people all over Key West's New Town neighborhood can be spotted hauling quantities of eggs to throw at people and vehicles. It sounds funny but it can be overwhelming, I heard of one passerby copping more than 50 eggs in a pelting. Raw eggs do terrible things to car paint and a vehicle parked overnight without the owner spotting the offending yolk can lead to an expensive repair to restore the paint. People get annoyed by egg throwing.The background to this madness goes back to a football tradition. Apparently seniors celebrated their team's invincibility by making a coffin at the start of the season and represented that superiority by building a coffin in which to bury their opponents. Then the Juniors took it upon themselves to try to steal the coffin to annoy the seniors. In the struggle to secure the coffin eggs became the weapon of choice, and so the tradition grew and has become enshrined at Key West High School. Coffin Night is a Conch activity like no other, it is reserved to the New Town half of the island and thus is invisible to the great mass of drinkers on Duval in the hours of darkness.

And in case you were wondering this year a responsible adult found the coffin in the early hours of Tuesday morning, not soon enough to end the madness which got wild enough that the traditional homecoming bonfire has reportedly been cancelled. That would be the bonfire designed to ceremonially burn the symbolic coffin.


That should have stopped the egging but I guess the kids had stashed a large quantity of eggs and I further suppose they can't actually eat all their ammunition. And so it goes.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Behind Bars

Brady of the blog Behind Bars asked me to write an essay for his page about my upcoming trip to Iowa to retrieve a 33 year old Vespa. I was happy to oblige as Brady not only writes beautifully but also has an innate understanding of what my plan is all about. I was honored he asked me to write for his page. He has a penchant for Hondas, preferably of course old ones. I have a penchant for old Vespas, especially if not too old. Hit the link and see why.

Key West Art And History Museum

I finally got around to checking out the Art and History Museum on Clinton Square. It's been a while since I was last in the old US Customs house and as always it was a pleasure to spend an hour wandering the venerable halls of the elderly building.







Outside as always we find the over sized statues preferred by Seward Johnson who enjoys reproducing well known two dimensional paintings in three dimensions. He has had a display of nudes dancing which I featured previously on this page so tough luck, I did not photograph them again. Johnson, heir to the talcum powder fortune, amuses himself rendering two dimensional paintings into three dimensions and doing them over sized frequently as well. a while back there was a great exhibit of famous paintings cast as sculptures. I'm not an art critic and I don't know if it was High Art but it was fun.







The museum is ideally placed to attract curious cruise ship passengers as they make their way towards the bars and knick knack shops on nearby Duval Street. At the moment the moneyed interests in Key West's business community are pushing hard to study widening the ship channel to accommodate the new generation of super large cruise ships, something that gets not much support from the moneyed retiree classes. The argument is that cruise ship passengers don't buy much as they have it all on the ship while clogging city streets. I was quite surprised by the number of visitors, in the dozens, in the museum, wearing colored cruise ship tags. I am sort of opposed to more ships but on the other hand Key West lacks any kind of unified vision of its future so worrying about a few thousand more temporary visitors swarming off the docks from time to time seems a bit, I don't know, capricious?







They sell a few books and knick knacks in the museum shop as well which might be an argument in favor of multiplying the number of such visitors but I suspect it's t shirt shops, tour operators, bars (including the ones owned by the portly city commissioner) and souvenir floggers that expect to profit. As far as I'm concerned what's happening in Europe is probably going to migrate over here and the more key West can insulate itself from economic Armageddon the better.






Or perhaps bigger cruise ships mean the city is selling it's historic heritage for a mess of potage. Beats me.






The building was abandoned in the sixties and was well on the way to falling apart, like most of downtown Key West. Gay visitors, attracted by the enormous Navy base saw the guest house potential and bought out the Conchs who built modern homes in New Town and left the ramshackle old town huts to the crazy outsiders. The smart ones held on, built and made fortunes, and some small portion of those fortunes spilled over into public works.







The restoration has been well done and the building is lovely, with or without the art.






I like wandering the corridors between exhibits as much as the rooms filled with the attractions.







My plan is to illustrate several of the exhibits on show over the next few days in separate essays now I've introduced the brick building that houses them.







Next door to the Westin Hotel near the waterfront you will find this big red brick building with the pointy roof, designed to slough off the snows of winter on the Canadian border (no, really!) built to one government design for Customs Houses. Inside you will find Key West laid bare. Not to visit would be a crime. Almost as bad as being undecided about what to do with the ship channel.


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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Trouble Is My Middle Name

So on the weekend the electrical system took a dump on the Bonneville, a fault whose full import has yet to be understood. Nothing too serious no doubt but enough to stall my commute. I was pretty sanguine about the problem as I got a ride and arrived at work on time, barely and Jiri will sort out if it is the new battery or or the old charging system. No problem, still I like to ride rather than drive and my 27 mile commute is my pleasure as well as my burden. My wife knew what was coming when I sidled up and asked if I could borrow her Vespa. "Sure" she said which was easy for her because her classroom this year is new digs and she hasn't figured out where on the campus might be a safe place to leave the ET4. Usually she commutes with gym gear and files and papers littering her car (my Asperger's causes me to shudder each time I ride in her car) and then she rides around town as needed on her 150cc scooter.


I like riding the Vespa and I sneak a trip on it as often as I can but I don't like to impose on my wife. However there are days when the prospect of being shoe horned into a car just burns me up. I get bored in my zombie box, just like the other dawdling commuters trapped in their cages. Better to ride the pretty little 2004 cream colored scooter, which does 65mph and shocks the hell out of complacent dawdling motorists when they see me zipping past them and treading on their SUV penises as I go. Ha!
Meep! Meep! I was having the usual ball perplexing an early bird tourist leaving Key West before dawn in a convertible showing off the Keys to his hot date and wondering why the moped was passing him like he wasn't there. Further along a car pulled out of a side road and paused in the travel lane while the driver gathered his/her bearings instead of adjusting to the road in the on ramp that was thoughtfully provided for the purpose. The devil was in me and I slowed barely perceptibly, took the speed up ramp and passed the dazed driver adjusting her/his crotch in the travel lane. That was decidedly a trampled penis because my temerity was rewarded with high beams aimed at my mirrors as I floated off toward the horizon. Better the high beams than the car windshield fluid aimed my way by zombies annoyed that they can't shake off the moped. I follow the two second rule religiously so fluid arcing over the car doesn't usually get me.


It ended badly. The engine ran perfectly but suddenly we lost way and I knew instantly the drive belt had split. I coasted onto the ample shoulder, parked the Vespa and in the beam of my flashlight saw wisps of yellow insulating like material poking out of the transmission. It happens that modern scooters break their belts usually without warning and when they do they disintegrate into their component woolly parts. I set off in the muggy airless morning to walk the four miles home. 23 out of 27 miles wasn't bad and the belt broke in a safe spot. All was well. I ended up catching the Lower Keys shuttle for the last two miles of the journey home. I arrived barely half an hour later than usual around 7:15 am. My wife slept through the whole drama and only awoke when I returned from walking Cheyenne and picking up the Vespa with the trailer.


Sooo, my Fusion needed new tires and had a failing battery, fixed by Sears Automotive, my Bonneville needs diagnosis and the Vespa needs a new belt and rollers. My wife says this is the series of three issues and my forthcoming ride home from Iowa on the new-to-me 1979 P200E Vespa will be flawless. Perhaps she's right. The old Vespa needs no battery and uses no belt and is said to have tires with lots of tread. I hope my streak of bad luck is over now. Please. But I do have to launch the boat for the first time since the little outboard was serviced this summer...When we used it last summer it wasn't working well and now I hope my new mechanic did actually find the problem as he promised he did. Just now though my luck with engines is terrible. If I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all as the saying goes...

Monday, September 3, 2012

A Dance To The Music Of Time

I heard James May say it for the first time and he got it right. "Batteries are crap." James May is the nerdy presenter on the BBC's "Top Gear" program, an English motoring show that skewers everyone and everything in a way US television would never tolerate for fear of causing -gasp!- offence. In this instance May was testing a couple of electric cars and the crap he was talking about referred to rechargeable batteries. He's right batteries are crap. My Bonneville stuck by the side of the road is proof of that unarguable fact. Batteries lose their charge, their chemical composition changes and charges inside them mysteriously vanish when you most need them. Batteries are the most unreliable links in the chain of our tenuous civilization and when anything fails the best thing to do is blame the battery, if there is one. There is a battery in my Bonneville and I am squinting at it very old fashioned at the moment.








Or maybe not. Maybe five year old alternators become crap after 68,000 hard fought miles and stop charging the potentially crap batteries. Either way the lack of a spark brought forward progress to a halt Saturday afternoon as much of South Florida was pouring into Key West for a night of riotous drinking and subsequent public intoxication, fighting and general bad manners. I was riding the Bonneville in the general direction my desk at the top of the police station girding my loins to take a few dozen calls from the mentally impaired and verbally incoherent good time charlies on Duval Street as the holiday weekend progressed. I anticipated a lot of calls, a lot of headaches and a lot of activity requiring my close attention. Dealing with another dead battery in my life was not on the list of weekend activities.










It happened that black clouds closed in over Highway One near Mile Marker 13, between Baby's Coffee and Big Coppitt Key. I could see the rain spattering the highway up ahead so I pulled out of the long line of cars rolling toward Key West and stopped on the shoulder. I turned the engine off as one does, a small inconsequential decision that altered the course of my afternoon and impaired the start of my rather stressful work night because once the engine stopped, and I had pulled my waterproof Frogg Toggs out of the saddlebag, the engine remained mute even when I pressed the starter button and expected the 900 cubic centimeter powerhouse to burst back into life. All I got was a whirring noise from under the seat. Most unsatisfactory.








I think it was last Thursday, I have worked a lot of overtime lately and the days are merging into a long blur, when I stopped for gas at the Key Haven Shell and I put my credit card into the pump and the pump failed to respond. I stood there like an idiot waiting for the usual prompts and commands, zip code and so forth, and when none were forthcoming I had no idea what to do. I could have moved immediately to one of the several other pumps not in use, but I tried again, and again and used another card and nothing happened. I was stumped by the failure of technology.








It was the same problem I had with the starter failing to start. I pressed the button and got nothing more than a whirr from the machinery that has never previously given me a moment's trouble. I did the only thing I could do and called for help.








Chuck arrived minutes after the downpour reached my stretch of the highway but he raced to my workplace in most un-Chuck-like haste and I arrived with 50 seconds to spare. Chuck is one of those drivers who thinks speed is the devil's work but for me he sinned, grievously, and he got me where I needed to be. Praise Chuck! Meanwhile the problem of the recalcitrant Bonneville remains a mystery wrapped in an enigma inside a riddle, as the Man said about the Soviet Union's leadership, many decades ago. I returned to my abandoned Bonneville after work with a battery pack, fired the dead engine up and followed my wife home, she in the car. Ironically the Fusion with its own three year old battery did the same jiggery pokery to us just last week when we were the Ramrod Pool swimming. We faced the prospect of a three mile walk home in our salty wet skivvies until a kind youth connected his functioning car battery to my jumper cables and set our Fusion alight once again. I hate batteries!






The quick solution is to replace the motorbike's battery but my question is why did my month old battery take a dump? Is it defective? Or is the system charging it on the blink? I told Jiri to put a new battery in the Bonneville not because the old one was broken but because I wanted to preempt any problems! Irony where is thy sting? It seems to me the most likely solution is that the alternator has grown weary but to try to check this theory I have put the battery on a trickle charge in the hope it fails to take that charge. That would lay the blame fairly on the battery - cheap quick solution... BUT if the battery does take the charge I will have to take the bike to Mechanic Jiri and ask him to paw my love with a multimeter and check the charging system. If that is the problem then I can finally admit my Bonneville has at last left me stranded by the side of the road with a mechanical problem.






Five years and 68,000 miles with not a single issue is a fine track record, but I cannot help but remember that my new/old Vespa doesn't need a battery to run, starts with a kick start and in the event it needed a bump start it only weighs 230 pounds. The bulk of my 500 pound Bonneville on the deadly flat bicycle path defeated my every effort to bump start it.






One way and another it's just one small headache taking up tons of time in a world filled with far more serious issues. Yet it is a reminder of the infamous conclusion James May came to when he tested the electric cars on Top Gear: batteries are crap. Even when they aren't.