Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Mystery That Is Fishing

People hate me for, among other things, living in the Keys and not enjoying fishing. This is an angler's paradise, I'm told, but to me the thought of standing around and waiting for a fish to commit suicide on my hook is an even worse thought than sitting around at my desk waiting for someone in agony to call in and ask for help. I make money doing that, as weird as that is, but fishing for fun? I'd rather crush my gentleman vegetables in a vice. At least that would be done in short order. Fishing takes forever at vast expense in dollars and humanity.

If you can imagine it people get in their cars in the suburbs of Miami and drive to these spots and spend their precious weekends camping unsalubriously under bridges and behind sea walls living like Bosnian refugees with their wives and children and all their impedimenta. They fail to bring toilets with them so as a result the bushes and trails suddenly sprout toilet paper flowers in the vicinity. All this to catch fish.

There they stand pitting their wits against the wits of the fish. When they catch them they suffocate them slowly as though the suffering will infuse the fish meat with added adrenaline and agony and they feel proud of themselves. Well, I hate to break it to them but fish have brains the size of... some extremely small object. Pit your wits against a really angry mother grizzly bear and try beating her to death with a bamboo rod. That would even the odds out a bit. I have tried fishing and it is about as interesting as watching a piece of plastic line hanging in the water, fancy that! In my world that rates pretty low on the entertainment scale. When you catch one of these half witted fish who think that there really is such a thing as a free lunch without a hook buried in it, your rod tugs and jerks as the poor bastard fish tries to regain the wild water it came from. Pull it out and it starts to suffocate and looks at you with one desperate eye as life starts to drain out of it and it's wild flashing colors fade to gray in its death agony jerks as it fights to breathe. Why not hit it over the head and kill it mercifully? God knows and perhaps when judgement day comes anglers will be suitably chastised. Until then...fish suffer and fishermen crap in the bushes. Oh well.

Yummy fresh this morning! And almost no effort or expense spared to catch it. Give me Horsemeat or give me Death.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't let it bother you.I understand why you don't "get" fishing.I don't understand why people spend hours of their weekend watching football, but whatever floats your boat! Have a great one, whatever you do!

Martha Tenney said...

The taking and killing of anything is never pretty. Fishing just seems less...bloody.

Anonymous said...

I used to enjoy reading your blog every day, and I even came to see past your political views (which are pretty much the reverse of mine). And now, you go on the attack again against fishing?!? You are coming across as a 'grumpy old man' who looks down on everything people do that you don't like...and I know, it's YOUR blog. You are free to post anything you would like, but I am also free to be fed up with it. Consider yourself 'Deep 6'd' from my computer.

Conchscooter said...

I am surprised by the fact that I really don't like to fish. To me it's a bit like living on a golf course and not enjoying golf. I have no particular feelings about people who do golf or fish or watch sports on tv. I find my aversion for fishing amusing. Others apparently do not. However I remain firm in my belief that neither I nor my blog are an arm of the Tourism Development Council. In a world where opinions are deleted or dumbed down I understand that my preference for not trying to raise money by my blog, yet having opinions can be disturbing to some people. I see a lot of misery around me now and I expect to see more in the future as well. I choose not to avert my gaze despite the fact I live in a community known for doing just that. There's the paradox.

The other side said...

I stop by for the pictures. Your dog is adorable and I love the sometimes 'behind the scenes' pictures of the keys that the tourist sites just don't show. I could care less if you watch football all day, fish or not fish, have political opinions or not. Your pictures are amazing and bring a little bit of Keys to me in my tiny town a bit north of you. Thanks for posting them!

Anonymous said...

What 'paradox'?. I live in the same 'community' as you, aside from the fact that I ACTUALLY LIVE in Key West.
You are free to have your opinions, and I respect you for putting them out there, but you also must respect the opposing side!

Enie Dub said...

Funny that THIS is one of your most responded to and obviously controversial posts!!

Conchscooter said...

The opposing side? There is no opposing side. I don't like fishing. What's the opposite? I do.like fishing? But I don't! A colleague of mine is learning to fly. He thinks motorcycles are dangerous yet taking a motorcycle into the air is a brilliant idea. Go figure. He ACTUALLY LIVES IN KEY WEST too. Must be something in the water.

Conchscooter said...

Enie, unintended humor is the best. I didn't even have to mention naked women's breasts.

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! How dare you have an opinion that disagree with someone who "actually lives in Key West". What the hell is wrong with you? AND you have the audacity to publicly state your opinions! Who the hell do you think you are? Now you have offended someone and lost a reader. This blog needs are warning sign: Opinions expressed here.

Conchscooter said...

It happens from time to time. Anonymous shows up, reads something mighty offensive, my opinion about single payer well known to anyone who knows me and is bored by me in person, and drops an angry comment. Then we have to go through this re-education process for a while and slowly routine and indifference return to normal levels. 3120 essays and counting. Believe me I've been through this before!
But yes: warning, this blog has my opinions and if you come here and drop a rude comment I will reply in kind. Then I'll go and hug my dog.

Cookieboss said...

I have been reading your blog for a relatively short time, and I love your comments and pics. We are considering a move to Key West, and your insight is very entertaining. AWESOME!

Anonymous said...

I like to fish.

Anonymous said...

I liked to fish with my Dad. He's gone, so I fish no more and I miss him, not fishing. I like to hike with my son and I have a sneaking suspicion he feels about hiking the way I feel about fishing. I suspect many dangling hooks do so for the same reason.

Conchscooter said...

Ny father had no hobbies at all, as a result I never did learn to enjoy anything terribly much in the way of hobbies. That he hated motorcycles was a bonus so I made it my business to not get a car. Fishing might have been better for both of us. It is apparently a sport that involv more passion than you might expect when you see people standing arund with drooping rods.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for over a year and longing to visit/move to the keys. wth is wrong with people. It's your blog, write whatever you feel. I enjoy the pictures. I enjoy hearing of your travels and seeing pictures of your beautiful dog. And I don't think you have to "actually live in key west" to know what is going on.

wannabe conch

Conchscooter said...

The bit that makes me laugh is that I am the grumpy old dude (Victor Melrose for those that know the TV show) for laughing at myself. They do love to quote the "defend to the death your right to say it," until they disagree with you. The they call up the firing squad!silly buggers.

Ignatius Reilly said...

what was this about naked women's breasts?

Conchscooter said...

It's a reference to my dear friend Jack riepe check jackriepe.com wherein resides his blog Twisted Roads which you can google. all will become clear.